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Thread: Cooter sells a bike

  1. #1
    Senior Member Cooter's Avatar
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    Cooter sells a bike

    Lord help me from murdering my fellow humans today... Ignore this rant but I MUST let it out or you'll be reading about me on the news, and I don't mean NPR.
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    "Free things always cost you the most"
    Cooter

    I got realistic about my garage problem and posted a few things for sale. One of which is a complete piece of ****, old, beat up, not-registered-for-a-decade, ex-wanna-be racer GSXR-750. From 1989. You remember 1989? I'm old now and had JUST graduated HS for Christ sakes, and this thing has been passed around the prison yard since I was spotting beers at the 7-11. Why not spray paint the whole engine silver from 5 feet away? Day-Glo flames? Mis-spelled "Susuki" in ****ty Mandarin? I can't even...

    I mean at least $100 in zip ties have died on this bike. Weld the subframe to the frame? Of course! The "why" doesn't matter. I mean there isn't ONE thing thats nice on this turd and it should be put out of its sorry misery in trash compactor 3263827 on the detention level of the Death Star.
    But it runs... ****.

    The short backstory of this space hogging dream killer is that with all my then-youthful ignorance, I got it from a friend of a friend for the princely sum of zilch, zero, nada. And it was worth less than that. Years after that day, the only action this thing has seen is when another good friend brought over his Katana with a death rattle rod knock and the only decent way home was to quickly dash some fuel and a battery this dusty pile from the corner to get him home that night. I gave him the pink slip to avoid any law enforcement issues his third-strike ass may have with expired plates and the strict instructions I didn't want to see it again.
    Fast forward another half decade and he wants it out of his garage, where it has sat. since the day he left my shop.

    Sigh.

    Air up the cobwebbed tires, slosh some fresh fuel to mix with the varnish, and wouldn't ya know it? That ****er still idles and runs perfectly. Don't you DARE give me hope you sonofabitch! Well age and 'maturity' prevails as I make the right choice to be free of this succumbent for good. Open Craigslist, post ad:

    "Hey Vanilla Ice, come get your bike.

    I've had it for awhile, but I'm a mechanic (a good one) so I just checked it out and it didn't take much to get it running. It's beat to **** with a salvage title but brakes and suspension seem to work well. It's got a Fox racing shock in the rear for track day bragging rights too.
    I drained the tank, oil, and carbs, to store it but have had second thoughts. I have a video of it running but bring gas, oil, and a battery if you want to hear it in person, otherwise get this crap out of my garage for cheap.
    It needs to be towed and needs a bunch of work to be road warrior ready. You aren't riding it home but I can deliver for a fair fee. The pics don't do it justice, it is MUCH more ****ty to behold in person. Bring sunglasses, and a satchel to collect the panties.
    I don’t care if you need it for parts or want to try and get it on the road, but if you shave 80’s stripes in your hair I’ll give you $100 off. Seriously "

    No **** I got 13 responses within a half hour. Thirteen! I explained the situation and still had to add:
    "EDIT:
    I’m getting a TON of interest and if the ad isn’t clear enough... this bike is complete, does run, and is beat to ****.
    I would NOT try to ride it without a bunch of work! Reg is many many years old and you aren’t gonna fill it with gas and start trackdays or get to work dependably. It need a LOT of love to be safe and dependable and frankly should just be used for parts. I know it’s cheap. I know it’s sexy. There’s no better definition than Caveat Emptor."
    Last edited by Cooter; 03-28-2021 at 08:48 AM.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Cooter's Avatar
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    "Hey man, I want to buy the bike"
    Ok, cool. Are you bringing a truck? Or a helmet?
    "A helmet"
    Then you didn't read the ****ing ad

    Seriously. It's not worth the $700 i'm asking. I expected someone to do the 'offer-half' BS (and I would take it), but nooooo! Instead of the usual first come first offer I'm pretty fair about, I give up and tell ALL thirteen people to meet me on the roof of the shop (parking lot) at 9am on a Saturday. Keep in mind, I'm usually not even done with my coffee by 9am on a Saturday so you can imagine my mood as I load up the bike in the back of Josephine Dirté and head to the shop.
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    Where I sat. Fielding messages. For 2 hours. Not ONE single asshole showed up.
    At least we have a Pickleball court there now so if watching old guys get sweaty is your thing then good on ya. Me? I'm more of a PornHub guy. But I digress.
    One guy had the starter in his truck fail,
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    another ended up in Riverside because he couldn't find Los Angeles International Airport (?!), one bought a Mercedes instead, and a mom died.
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    Well actually a Mother-in-law so "no biggie"

  3. #3
    Senior Member Cooter's Avatar
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    Thankfully fast forward to me getting smart and heading back home.
    But first appointment, broken truck guy, still wants the bike, and BAD.
    "Let me know when you're there and I'll meet you" starts the most ridiculous turn of events. I can't. I just can't... Brackets are my interjections.
    He's coming from Chatsworth and for a normal person it is about 40 mins north right up the freeway from me.

    8:20am him
    "I'm on the way now bro! I will definitely buy the bike."
    me: We'll see. She's beat
    an HOUR and a half later...
    9:43 him
    "I'm on the way. My starter is going out on my truck, I'm hitting it with a hammer and it started, WHEW! I'm coming fast!
    ME: Are you sure you shouldn't buy a starter with that money instead of a project bike? LOL.
    [30 more mins]
    10:34 ME: You close? Been here for an hour and a half and I'm starving
    him: I'm close. Grab something to eat. I should arrive when you get back.[which means he ain't close at all].
    me:Like 2 mins? 20 mins? Whats your GPS say?
    [ten long minutes]
    10:43 him
    "Like 28 mins" [which means he barely left home.]
    me: OK msg me when you get here.
    an HOUR later...
    11:39am me: And? Dude, you OK?
    another half hour
    12:08pm him
    "oh man!! I have to get a tow now [why'd ya stop?] my GF is racing down to pick me up right now!! and we'l be there ASAP! I'm 10 mins away and she'll be here any minute!!...
    [I purposely waited 20 mins]
    me: Actually I have it loaded up and it has to get in your truck anyway so... where exactly are you? I'll come there.
    [over another HOUR later]
    1:51pm him
    "We're on the PCH. I have a friend working on it..." [huh? PCH from Chatsworth???]
    me: I'll just hang out
    [another HOUR and a half]
    3:21pm him
    "almost there"
    me: [over it] ok
    3:43pm him "bout ten minutes away"
    [I purposely waited 15 mins]
    3:56pm me: Ok
    4:00pm him "we have arrived. Silver Volvo".
    Me: Volvo truck? [how are you getting the bike home?] I'm on the roof/parking lot, entrance around the corner.

    Now, keep in mind I walked to the edge of the lot and can see him now. It's 4pm. Not 9am. Daddy needs a beerski.
    [five long minutes]
    4:05pm him "oh ya we just parked"
    [five long minutes]
    4:10pm me: You coming up?
    [five long minutes]
    4:15pm him "Yes, how do we get there?"
    me: copy/paste... I'm on the roof/parking lot, entrance around the corner.
    [five long minutes]
    4:21pm him "got it"

  4. #4
    Senior Member Cooter's Avatar
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    Now some of you may be thinking I'm too nice When actually I'm just a dumbass and a glutton for punishment I don't really need to sell this thing. I could scrap it at Pick-a-Part and spend the $23 recycling check on cheap whisky like I've done before, but at this point I just want to meet these people to find out what in the actual **** is going on. Call me a student of humanity.

    The girlfriend is quick to apologize that she's the whole reason they're so late [] and I get an interesting one way conversation about guitars and astrology, but finally have to interject the nonstop diatribe to remind him why he's here in the first place.

    Oh ya. It takes money to buy things.

    Dude

    I manage to trade a couple hundred dollars for a deposit note and strict instructions if I don't see him in a week, I'm going to sell it again (happily) to someone else, just like him.

    I can do this **** all day. Allllll DAY.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Cooter's Avatar
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  6. #6
    Senior Member 34nineteen's Avatar
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    I’ll buy it. Be there in 45 minutes...

    You should have loaded it up and left.... slowly. Then when the “buyer” flags you down, explain that you just bought it for some guy around the corner for a case of Lite beer.
    Last edited by 34nineteen; 03-28-2021 at 03:37 PM.

  7. #7
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    He he he I sold a 1973 Plymouth Fury in similar condition 6 times before I gave up and pulled the 727/360 and the battery and dumped it for scrap but that was 1990 and it wasn't worth anything then, now that bike is not worth much now, but if you could loan it out six more times so you you don't have to store it for 30 more years who knows a 73 Fury with a small block 4 door brings $ today.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Cooter's Avatar
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    LOL, thats funny.
    I have bought and sold this car twice! Maybe its a Plymouth thing??

  9. #9
    Senior Member Cooter's Avatar
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    and just sold Stella my baby the STT to a VERY nice couple. I know it shouldn't matter, but it sure helps when you care about them and they go to the right person

    I can see the floor now!
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    A-A-Ron!!!!!!

  10. #10
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    Wow! You are a better man then I am! Doubt he will be back. I meet people at a parking lot across the street from my house. I don't bother until they are sitting there and ready. Eliminates all the snowflakes you get from CL and FB. Crazy how flaky people are. Text me when you get there and I will meet you...famous last words....



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